I was a young mother.. 17.. Obviously, I had so little of a clue that my behavior, my emotions would feed and affect my baby/toddler/young child, not only that pretty much no clue on anything, but you couldn't tell me that, oh no!! haha
I now, at 44, have a 2 yr old grand child. Whom I have the opportunity to watch this dynamic personally, but not be "in it" between my daughter and him. What I am recognizing. "Terrible 2's".. Babies don't know what emotions are. They get these new sensations and practice them, mimic them. They even more so MIRROR exactly what the adults around them are putting off.. If the parent is stressed, angry, frustrated, sad, with life, job, relationship, the babies will likely act out more and mirror their behavior. They mimic your tone of voice (which usually ends up with a punishment or consequence for the child) My grandsons parents (my daughter and her boyfriend) have struggled with their relationship more than ever lately, you can feel the tension, you can feel the disconnect. So the fact that the baby is acting out, reacting and "getting mouthy" isn't surprising. (i'm going to act like an asshole, but you sit here and stay sweet and kind and perfect) And when I watched my daughter punish him for being angry the other day and acting out, it felt horrible. He mirrored exactly how he feels her. It was a light bulb. It popped out so clear and vivid, HD quality AH HA moment.. He is being punished for having an emotion that didn't make his mom feel good.. (I did this too, I don't blame her, its what she learned..) And the more you try to force a 2 yr old to sit in time out, the more you will get a fight.. this is a no win battle.. Most of the time things are wonderful. He is such a bright, joyful, high vibrational baby. (but it shouldn't be his or any other childs job to make everyone or anyone around him feel better!)
It was easy for me to see in hind sight, when he now comes to my house, I know how things have been going that day by how he is talking, reacting, acting. And when I just allow him to express, and just be calm myself, he quickly relaxes. Its like he takes a deep breath. When I feel myself wobble, he will go to grampa, and vice versa. He definitely navigates to whomever is a higher vibration, and I am a OK with that!! I don't take it personal. Now that he is getting older, and if and when my daughter is upset, or stressed and she turns to him, expecting his beautiful smiling happy face to cheer her up, and she gets an unhappy, emotional response,(the mirror of what she has been projecting around him) he gets punished, time out, reprimanded, yelled at... (I see that's not working, how to get her and many other parents to see that, not sure if I am even suppose to.. or if I am just suppose to see it myself)
I don't know how to express this to my daughter, or should I.. (He is "her" son.. she gets really upset when he doesn't act up around me, or if he does, I don't go crazy correcting him.. well I'm grandma!!! lol duh ) I recently just casually said. "little ones are just learning all these new emotions, what the emotions feel like, practicing. And if we punish them for expressing the ones we don't like.. Well, do we really need any more people in the world who are unable to express or understand their emotions?" I managed to suppress both my kids ability to express anger and frustration, sadness.. I didn't allow my kids to "misbehave". And now misbehaving does not feel good to her. any of the negative end of emotional scale is resisted... the cycle continues.. I see it now!! I'm so thankful, maybe that will be the beginning to end this cycle. Sharing my thoughts of this with the hubby has really opened our eyes as well, reflecting our parenting, how disconnected we were and watching the return, and reconnecting.
This has made it so much more clear how kids and pets are perfect mirrors!! absolute.. wow!! (ive heard teachers say so.. just hadn't experienced it consciously) Seeing it at this really easy to see level, gives me hope that I will be able to more easily recognize my mirrors in all situations more clearly!! More objectively.. If I don't like how someone is acting around me.. Find what in me is acting that way, and change it. Or really begin to focus on feeling wonderful, appreciating everyone around.. Its actually a pretty fun "experiment".. I notice I do this in my job a lot!!
Its sad when you see a little one caught in the cross fire. I trust my grandson! He is a very wise, powerful soul. He's not a victim, he is precious. I will help support this in him in any way.
I love Teals parenting videos.. They along with my personal experience have gained me so much more insight.
Heres to the babies, toddlers, young children of the world!! Providing us, if we open our eyes, with such clarity.
Heres to the beautiful fur babies of the world, providing us so selflessly that which we are. If you have a pet or receive a pet with an illness, its not a coincidence. I believe that it is a message, for us, that if we don't work on something, this could be us next. They progress much faster, their lives are a fraction of ours. Learn some of the basic emotion to illness connections and look around, see for yourself.
Love them, appreciate them. And thank you for letting me express all of this here.. I really just needed a place to put it out, so I can begin to receive what I need to know more about it. xoxo
